Stop glorifying the 90s. Or the 80s. Or waxing on about how modern pop music is in some way inferior, like people weren’t saying the same damn thing in 1994. It’s pop music. It’s awesome. Always.
NOT JUST A SLAM DUNK, BUT A 2-HANDED JAM.
so, i signed up for a twitter account so that i could text in blog posts while i’m mostly away from a computer during the day this summer.
i can’t really get it to work. suggestions?
also, i have two twitter followers even though i haven’t really said that i’ve had twitter. why is the internet so creepy?
i don’t care what you say, i’m a big fan of the hudsucker proxy.
need to plan a trip to the beach before the oil gets there first. are there quiet beaches in delaware?
i am so tired of trees. enough already.
wife’s family reminded us that rehoboth beach is ‘the one for gays’.
- mechanic: i've been to pittsburgh once. i'm never going back.
- wife: what were you there for?
- mechanic: (uncomfortable pause) i needed to do something (another pause) for the kids.
lindsey buckingham’s solo stuff is really good. NOT.
EVERYBODY DISS LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM
Lindsey Buckingham’s solo material is very moving and redemptive. NOT.
at this camp i’m working at, someone asked me to come to the morning gathering to do something in my ‘quartermaster’ persona that might pump up the kids.
essentially, i just yell at the kids for being lazy. by thursday morning, they’ve been in camp for 4 days and only have 2 left. i order them to keep working hard (repairing homes) or there will be dire consequences. this morning, the kids were being so cool.
me: you have to keep working hard! 2 more days! the truth is, you have to power out the rest of the week, because you and i are in the fight of our lives. we’re right in the middle of a giant battle, did you know that? does anybody know what we’re fighting against? do you? go ahead and shout it out! what are we fighting against?
kids (in almost perfect unison, a total surprise): INJUSTICE!
me: THAT’S RIGHT! ROBOTS!
no traffic on the way to work this morning. was i LEFT BEHIND???
chewing bubble gum for the first time in years. how did i get so bad at blowing bubbles? what’s the deal dubble bubble?
Tell people your pig and your daughter haven’t been getting along, so you’ve enrolled the pig in sensitivity training.
It’s just stupid enough to giggle at with other people later, but believable enough that people will probably just nod and say “hmmph, that’s interesting.”
a girl on another staff stopped to tell me that i was in her dream last night. she apologized for yelling at me.